Getting There, Ever So Slowly

One day at a time, that’s what I keep telling myself.  Everything has to be handled one day at a time.  I have a lot moving forward right now, and a lot that has me ready to rip my hair out.  It’s been a slow and painful process.

So, on the disability front, I went back in to file the right paperwork.  I was informed I wanted to go in to file an appeal, not change my claim.  Unfortunately, I’m now going to be denied disability again on the grounds that I was not insured at the time I can confirm my disability.  This is the problem with having an ex that didn’t want you in counseling.  I should have done this years ago.  Now I’m going to possibly have to wait three to five months for this denial, then an additional 60 days in order to apply again on grounds of new information.  That is majorly frustrating.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed on the inspection.  If all goes well, Wednesday we’ll have our inspection done and then we’ll be moving at the beginning of the month.  I’ve already arranged to spend Halloween with some friends, so that’s a bonus.  I won’t have to spend that one last holiday here.  I just can’t wait to move.  It couldn’t happen soon enough.  I almost hope the landlord decides to give us the keys early so we can start moving stuff in.  That way we can just stay here long enough to get beds and furniture in the new place.  I’ll be honest, I’m not going to bust my tail to clean this place before we move out.  I’ve worked my butt off to follow their rules to this point, but by now, I’m tired.  I’ll have been dealing with these people for almost a year.  I think it’s fair to say I’m just not going to care.  The house won’t be left a disaster, but little things, like mopping and cleaning the windows, I’m not so worried about those.  I’d much rather just let it be.  Saying that, though, I’ll probably have the place spotless anyway.

In other news, I’m up to 3% on my GoFundMe.  It’s really a small percentage, but it’s getting there.  I’ll be adding funds from Etsy at the end of the month.  It’s a lot of money to raise, and it’s going to be disappointing to see that 3% drop back down to 1% when I find out if Marley is still available or not.  If she’s already gone, I’ve got to change the amount on the funds again.  As much as I’m looking at other options, the truth is I still want the trained dog that I won’t have to worry about.  I really don’t like the idea of having to train a dog, especially from a puppy.  I’ll be back at school, and even if it’s part time, I’ll still have to be home every hour or two to take care of the puppy.  It won’t be old enough to act as a service dog for a year, and I still don’t have the strong, confident voice I need for training a dog.  I’m still too timid.  I think a fully trained dog is definitely the way to go.

I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that the back child support I’m owed will somehow come in.  If all of that came in I could get the dog I want, harness, vest, and all the accessories a dog would need.  I could get winter gear and other nice warm stuff for my dog.  Best of all, I could get some other things for my own sanity, like some more yarn.  Between knitting and my dog (and maybe knitting for my dog) I think I could have a pretty good plan in place to get me through school.

With all of that going on, I’ve 100% decided I have to change majors in school.  I was studying forensic science, which is a wonderful field.  It really interests me.  The problem is my anxiety would paint a target on my head.  It’s not like they show it in television.  At any time you could be hauled in to court to defend your evidence.  If you’re found to have done something in a faulty way, your career could be over.  The professor likes reminding everyone that weakness is effectively not allowed in his lab.  Honestly, I’m done with it.  This isn’t what’s true to my heart.  I’m leaning more towards a safer option, like biology.  I might even go with marine biology, even though it means working with the same professor, but I think I’m going to aim at taking night courses to keep away from having to deal with him more than necessary.  He’s attached to the forensic program, and while he’s pretty much the department head, I shouldn’t have to deal with him too much.

With all that going on, I feel like I’m starting to make decisions that are more true to who I am.  I feel like I’m starting to gain the strength to follow the path I’m meant to be on.  I’m just frustrated at how long it’s going to take.

Honestly, I think if I work hard enough at it, I can figure the dog thing out.  I’m going to work hard to raise funds, but it can be done.  I may take spring semester off as well, and make excuses with my family.  If I tell them I’m 100% disabled and it’s not advisable for me to go back until I get my service dog, I might be able to make some headway.  We’ll see how that goes.  At least it’s moving.  That may be all I can say, but it’s something.

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