I Missed the Library

Yesterday was the first trip we made out to the library since we moved.  It used to be a weekly thing.  We would go out to the library, pick up a few books, and come home, satisfied with both having gotten some exercise and also adding to the stuff I had to read about the house.  I do a lot of reading when I can, and I was feeling kind of stuck on not having anything besides class.  Of course, a large part of that was the result of all the other things I had going on in my life.

Reading really does a lot for me.  It’s like hitting a recharge button.  Some people like hanging out with friends, but I like to curl up with a good book.  It engages my brain and makes me think, which pulls me away from the anxiety and stress in my life.  It fills me with all kinds of positive things.  I just haven’t been taking the time to do it as of late.

This has kind of woken me up to the reality that I got too lost in the same problems everyone else of this modern day seems to be lost in.  I’ve been caught up in movies, video games, apps on my phone, and Facebook.  It’s been blinding me to other things in the world, important things in the world, more important than being sent negative messages on how much the world sucks as a whole, but also because these things serve as distractions, to tune us out from the world, to disconnect us.

I’m seriously thinking about taking a step away from Facebook in particular.  I’m seriously considering saving all the pictures I’ve got on there and deactivating my account.  I’m tired of all the negativity.  I’m tired of all the people bickering about what’s important and what isn’t.  I’m tired of people arguing over what movements need to be supported and what ones don’t, who has privilege, who doesn’t, and who should.  The whole thing is so draining, and heaven forbid you get into a discussion with someone.  That could eat up your whole day.  I don’t want that life anymore.

In looking at my life away from Facebook.  I never was much on Twitter.  I never got into Tumblr and Reddit.  I avoided those like the plague because those would become like just another level of Facebook.  So many people lose their lives to those forms of media.  All I think I really need at the end of the day is my blog, and that’s not because I expect anyone to respond to it.  It’s my mental and emotional outlet.  Whatever I’m feeling that day, I can express it.  If other people enjoy it, good for them.  If they don’t?  So what?  Who cares?

Living in a way that pulls me away from Facebook has me reading more.  I’m now starting to take more of an interest in Fitness, if for no other reason than my own health.  I need to be healthy again for so many reasons.  I’m starting to read more and spend less time on stupid apps and games.  I’m watching less television.  I’m actually doing more with my life.  I mean, Facebook does have it’s advantages, but it shouldn’t be anything but background noise.  The sound of cars on the road outside doesn’t urge me to drive somewhere.  I need that to be Facebook.  The buzz of people going about their daily lives out there doesn’t need to be anything other than noise.  I need to stop getting sucked back into it all.

All of this has lead me to step back and take a good look at my life.  I’ve seriously considered what my focus needs to be on come fall semester.  I honestly think I’m not going to go back to the drama club, no matter how much I love it.  I’ll stick by the school’s GSA, but I think I really need to get away from clubs and organizations.  The people there tend to be a lot of drama.  They tend to be that kind of buzz in the background that makes me insane.  I need to find people in my life that will be open and supportive, not people who will be supportive, then make excuses for the people who have wronged you.  I need to stand up for myself, not take abuse anymore, and do something good for me.

Just yesterday I made my 10,000 step marker.  I managed to get 53 active minutes on my day.  I landed “in the zone” on my calorie intake for the day.  I didn’t burn the required calories, but apparently my heart rate never wants to get high enough to be considered cardio, so I’m okay with that.  I read nearly five chapters of a book.  I enjoyed being out in the fresh air.  I felt pretty good about myself.  I even went so far as to do some of those half-push-ups from your knees.  I know I didn’t go down as far as I should, but I managed to do 20 as best as I was capable.  That’s a long shot from when I could barely do one.  Now I’m working back up to the way I used to be again.  I physically feel strong.  I can mentally feel engaged.  I can feel like I’m capable again.  I won’t have to feel completely disabled if I’m completely capable of doing so much.

In the end, I think that social media has been holding me back.  I feel pressured to play games and to win.  I feel pressured to engage in the social buzz.  I frequently hear “did you see that post that was made in that group we’re a part of?”  Or, “I don’t know if you saw my post about this thing.”  It makes me crazy because it reminds me that I have to be tuned in.  I have to be a part of the social buzz.  I have to be a part of everything that makes everyone so busy, this culture that’s humming constantly like a bunch of busy bees at a hive.  The difference is bees make honey, something that is sweet and natural.  I don’t know what these workers in the social media culture are making, but whatever it is, it’s bitter tasting, fowl, and occasionally harmful.  It’s something I don’t really want to be a part of.

Instead, I’m going to focus on being what I can be, and doing what I’m capable of.  I think I’m going to go back to the library today and see if I can find a book on playing guitar.  I want to pick up a yoga DVD.  As much as I don’t have a yoga mat, I think sampling some DVDs and trying them on my floor even without a mat is better than nothing.  I can always pick up a mat later if this turns into something routine.  I need to focus on reading, because there’s nor reason why I shouldn’t be able to finish a book each week, if not two.  I have incentive too.  The grand prize for the summer reading raffle is a $80 gift card to Barnes and Noble.  I would be very happy to get that, even if I don’t use it to get books.  I think I can focus on something so much better right now.

In the end, I have to think of what I want, and what I’m willing to do to get there.  Right now I want to have a healthy body, because that’s going to help me have a healthy mind.  I want to spend some time reading to engage my mind, but not just reading about random things.  I want to read about useful things that I can put into practice in my life.  I want to eventually have my own land and a homestead.  While nothing I’m doing right now is getting me any closer, if I want to work on a homestead, I need to be in shape.  I need to have a mind full of useful information.  Most of all, I need to separate myself from my diet of constant connectivity with the world, because I’m not going to want to be responding to Facebook messages if I’m out in the garden, and I’m not going to want to let some argument or another keep me from getting my work done for the day.  There are things in my life that are important, and I need to prioritize.

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